


I'm not okay

by oooooooofskrt



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 7,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25796713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oooooooofskrt/pseuds/oooooooofskrt
Summary: "Akaashi?" Bokuto called out, the room only being illuminated by his phone."What." He replied coldly."What happened to you?"Keiji Akaashi is your average wallflower, shy, quiet, good grades. His only friends being Kotaro Bokuto and Kozume Kenma.Koutarou Bokuto is the average football jock, goes to parties, gets drunk, sleeps around and messes around with his friend Kuroo.when Bokuto gets invited to a party he decides to bring Akaashi with him.But after that night Akaashi hasn't been the same...What's wrong with him?Why does Bokuto even care so much?What happened that night?⚠️ Rape and Severe Mental Illness⚠️__________________________________________4/26/20 - ?Haikyuu belongs to Haruichi Furudate.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou (One sided), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 32
Kudos: 137





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i write short chapters

_Running_

_Crying_

_Screaming_

_Why?_

_For help_

_"SOMEONE! ANYONE! HELP ME!" Akaashi screamed as he ran through the forest, twigs scratching him as he passed._

_"Come on Akaashi, I'm not that bad am I?" A deep voice chuckled._

_Akaashi ignored them and kept running. This was his only chance._

_To what?_

_To escape._

_"IS aNyBODY THERE?" Akaashi screamed once again, his voice cracking as he did. He tripped. 'Shit! No I have to get out-' he heard a chuckle behind him, way closer then he would like it to be._

_"Gotcha" the voice whispered._

_"AH-"_

___________________

"AH!" Akaashi woke up panting. He was wondering... why he kept having that dream.

"No." He told himself. " Don't go there."

6 months ago

Akaashi sat in the library with Kenma. They both sat silently, studying for their upcoming exam while eating lunch.

"Hey Akaashi?" Kenma asked

"Hm?"

"Uh do you know that guy who's staring at you?" Kenma said scratching his head and pointing at a table behind him.

Akaashi turned around and sure enough there was someone staring at him. Tetsuro Kuroo. Who sat right beside his best friend Bokuto. Kuroo and Akaashi made eye contact, he found himself admiring kuroo's eyes.

Akaashi turned back around. "Uh yea I do know him- you should too! That's Kuroo!"

"Oh, I couldn't see him cuz of your fat head!" Kenma said, sticking his tongue.

"Yea well, at least I didn't have a mental breakdown and bleach my hair." Akaashi shot back.

"How dare you!" Kenma said pretend offended. Akaashi and Kenma went back and forth for a little bit laughing at each other's lame insults. Little did they know there was a pair of eyes on them the whole time. A specific pair of hazel eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

After school that day Akaashi was sitting in the bleachers watching football practice, he's been doing it everyday since bokuto needed an "escort" home.

About six months ago bokuto was walking home by himself, he had accidentally stepped on something that resembled a rats tail and had thought it was a snake, he ran home crying about how he had killed "A poor precious snake that hadn't done any harm to society." Ever since then his mom didn't want him walking home by himself seeing as he would get into more problems such as this one. Which she didn't want to deal with.

Football practice was finally over and Akaashi waited outside of the locker rooms for bokuto.

"Hey Akaashi!" Bokuto smiled at him.

Akaashi blushed, Akaashi has had a crush on bokuto ever since he moved down the street from him, they spent everyday together as kids which had made Akaashi like him more and brought them closer.

"H-Hey Bokuto." Akaashi replied.

"Akaashi guess what? You'll never believe what happened in the locker room today." Bokuto said excitedly.

"What happened in the locker room today Bokuto." Akaashi muttered. He just wanted to go home and sleep, he was tired.

"So you know Oikawa right? Wait, of course you do! He's only the most popular guy in school! Anyway, so he stopped by the locker room to invite us to his halloween party!" Bokuto ranted.

"And what was the point in telling me this?" Akaashi asked angrily, he was already tired. He didn't want to have to hear about his crush going to a party and hooking up with other people.

"He said we could bring a plus one!" Bokuto said.

"We?" Akaashi asked.

"Yeah me and Kuroo."

"Oh ok." Akaashi thought about this. 'Kuroo huh?"

"-With me?" Bokuto finished.

"Wait what? Sorry I wasn't listening" Akaashi blushed, he was embarrassed he didn't hear anything he said.

"I SAID... Since I can bring another person I-I was wondering if you would come with me?" Bokuto asked, face flushed.

To say Akaashi was happy was an understatement he was feeling really good. 'My crush just asked me to a party!' he thought to himself.

"Uh.. sure I'll go with you." Akaashi said, blushing and scratching his head.

"Okay well it's on saturday I'll pick you up at 7:00PM ok?" Bokuto asked.

"Yes, that's fine." Akaashi confirmed.

By the time their conversation had come to an end they were in front of Bokuto's house.

"Bye Akaashi!" Bokuto exclaimed, smiling. "See you tomorrow!"

"Bye." Akaashi said, walking away down the street toward his house.

It had been a long day and Akaashi couldn't wait to get home and take a nap.

But as he tried to fall asleep he couldn't stop thinking about those hazel eyes and why every alarm in his body went off when ever he saw them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've realized this might seem more like a Kuroo x Akaashi but it's not I swear. It's just for a little while ya know? For the story. ANYWAYS! Bye!


	3. Chapter 3

After a restless sleep thinking about those eyes Akaashi decided to work on some homework. As he worked on his homework he couldn't help but notice how silent his house was. 'Oh that's right' he thought to himself. His parents were on a business trip and wouldn't be back until December. It was October 'Man this is going to get lonely.' He thought to himself.

After finishing his homework Akaashi decided to go on a walk, not too long into his walk he walked past Bokuto's house and saw Kuroo walking out of it. Speak of the devil, Kuroo turned around and saw Akaashi.

"Hey Akaashi!" Kuroo exclaimed as he saw him.

"Eh? You know my name?" Akaashi asked, surprised.

"Of course I do, Bokuto never shuts up about you.." Kuroo started walking toward Akaashi. "Besides" Kuroo leaned down next to Akaashi's ear "Who wouldn't know the name of a pretty little bird like yourself."

Akaashi didn't know what to say. He could tell him he's not interested in him like that? No, maybe he didn't mean it like that. He could tell- Akaashi's thoughts were interrupted by Kuroo's loud laugh.

"Chill pretty bird, c'mon walk me home would ya?" Kuroo asked.

Akaashi being the nice person he is, walked home with him.

"So" Kuroo started. "Bokuto tells me you're coming to the Halloween party."

"Yea I am." Akaashi confirms. "Bokuto told me about the whole plus one thing.. So who are you bringing?" Akaashi asked.

"Hm.." Kuroo hadn't thought of it yet. "Well everybody I would bring got invited so how about I bring that friend of yours.... Kenma!" Kuroo said, almost forgetting Kenma's name.

"THAT WOULD BE GREAT." Akaashi exclaimed.

"sorry it's too late to be this loud." Akaashi apologized.

"It's okay." Kuroo said.

Somehow this whole walk had made Akaashi uncomfortable, alarms blaring in his head for him to sneak away and run home but he didn't. He stayed... Within a few minutes they reached Kuroo's house.

"Alright well." Kuroo walked closer to Akaashi until he stood right in front of him, their chests almost touching, he looked down at Akaashi. "Thanks for walking me home. Goodnight pretty bird." Kuroo said while he brushed some of Akaashi's hair out of his face.

"Uh..." Akaashi was very uncomfortable, he hadn't even known Kuroo that long. Was he just a really touchy person?

Kuroo laughed. "Alright bye pretty bird." He said. Again.

"Night." Akaashi muttered before turning around and walking away. While doing so he only had one question for himself....

_What the fuck was that?_


	4. Chapter 4

The next day at school Akaashi couldn't focus, he couldn't stop thinking about last night with Kuroo.

"Goodnight pretty bird."

Akaashi shivered and thought about what he had called him 'Hm, what does pretty bird mean anyway?'

"Hey Akaashi, Kuroo invited me to the party with you guys. Uh- just thought I should let you know." Kenma said nervously.

"That's great Kenma, I'm glad you're coming." Akaashi smiled.

"And uh... I've felt like this for a while and just thought I should tell you. I'm gay and I think I like Kuroo!" Kenma said blushing.

"That's fine." Akaashi said.

Kenma hugged him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Akaashi said softly.

The bell rang, leaving Kenma and Akaashi to go to their next class which sadly was not together.

As Akaashi was on his way to his class which was all the way across the school he was stopped by a hand being placed on his shoulder.

"So we meet again." The voice said in a sickly sweet tone.

Akaashi turned around to meet Tsukishima and Kageyama. 'Not again' he thought. "Do you need something?"

"No, I just got bored and saw you walking around and thought 'wow, wouldn't it feel great to mess up a pretty face like yours." Kageyama said, slowly walking toward Akaashi.

"Well here we are." Tsukishima said following Kageyama's movements and walking toward Akaashi. "About to do just that." Tsukishima finished punctuating every word with a foot step.

'Shit' Akaashi thought. They had cornered him against the lockers. Kageyama was about to take the first hit.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" Tsukishima and Kageyama froze.

"B-Bokuto! What are you doing here?" Kageyama asked, trying to pretend like nothing happened.

"Don't change the subject Kageyama, what are you doing!?" Bokuto said almost yelling.

"Uh-" Kageyama was interrupted. "We were asking Akaashi for help on homework! Yea we needed help on erm math." Tsukishima quickly tried to cover

Keyword tried.

"LIKE HELL YOU WERE, I SAW THE WHOLE THING!" Bokuto yelled at them.

" we're sorry!" They both yelled.

"Damn right you are. Now scram!" Bokuto said, scaring them half to death.

They both ran away. "Cowards" Bokuto chuckled to himself.

"B-Bokuto!" Bokuto turned around toward Akaashi.

"Oh my god oh my god Akaashi are you okay? Did they hurt you? The next time I see them-" Bokuto ranted, patting his hands up and down Akaashi's body.

"I'm fine Bokuto." Akaashi said.

Bokuto cupped Akaashi's cheek. "Are you sure?"

Akaashi unconsciously leaned into the gesture. "Yea I'm sure" he smiled.

"Bokuto!"

Akaashi and Bokuto turned around, Akaashi found himself staring into a pair of eyes.

_Hazel eyes._


	5. Chapter 5

"Bokuto!"

Akaashi and Bokuto turned around, Akaashi found himself staring into a pair of eyes.

Hazel eyes.

"Kuroo! Hey what's up, aren't you supposed to be in class?" Bokuto asked.

"Well I could say the same to you. Our teacher sent me out to look for you." Kuroo said. "Whatcha doing out here with the pretty bird anyway?"

There was that name again.

"Tsukishima and Kageyama wanted to beat him up!" Bokuto angrily ranted. Not once thinking about what he had called Akaashi.

"I'm fine, no need to worry" Akaashi said, waving his hand.

"Alright well let's go to class Bokuto." Kuroo said.

"Bye Akaashi!" Bokuto said. "C'mon Kuroo!" He yelled.

"Yea, yea. You go on, I'll be right there." Kuroo replied.

"Okay!" Bokuto chirped, skipping down the hallway.

Once Bokuto was no longer in sight, Kuroo stood closer to Akaashi and looked down.

"You okay pretty bird?" Kuroo said gently, grabbing Akaashi's chin and bringing him closer. "I wouldn't want you getting hurt. What a shame it would be if that pretty little face of yours was ruined, hm?" Kuroo said in a seductive voice.

"Y-Yes." Akaashi responded "I-" Akaashi was interrupted as Kuroo pulled him into a hug.

"Good." Kuroo mumbled into Akaashi's hair, Akaashi being forced to smell Kuroo's cologne. He wasn't going to lie, he smelled good.

"I'm going to class now, see you later." Kuroo said.

"Bye." Akaashi said sadly, he had liked the hug he had given him.

________________________

It was Saturday and Akaashi was getting ready for the party. It was 6:45 Bokuto was picking him up at 7, since it was Halloween everybody could be wearing costumes but Akaashi didn't want to, he wore a black button up shirt with black jeans and some black Vans. It was casual but it could look like a costume in some way.

It was now seven and Akaashi was heading downstairs to wait for Bokuto when he tripped over the cord of the vacuum that was left in the middle of the hallway. He went flying forward and landed on the stairs then fell down the rest of the stairs.

'Shit' Akaashi thought his wrist hurt really bad and he had a party to go to. The doorbell rang. Akaashi got up to go answer the door noting that his hip hurt as well. When he opened the door he saw Bokuto standing there in a Bulbasaur onesie.

"Uh... Bokuto?" Akaashi asked.

"AKAASHI! Where's your costume?" Bokuto yelled, nearly making Akaashi deaf.

"Uh this is my costume?" He said, though it sounded more like a question.

"You look like you're going to a funeral." Bokuto said, frowning.

"So that will be my costume, a man going to a funeral." Akaashi chuckled.

"Okay, are you ready to go!"

"Yeah, just let me tell my parents I'm going." Akaashi ran into his living room and told his parents he was leaving. "Okay, lets go!"

Once they arrived at the party Akaashi remembered why he doesn't go to parties. But he couldn't leave, Kenma was here and he wouldn't abandon him.

Bokuto and Akaashi we're walking up to the door when Kuroo came stumbling out drunk.

"Heyyyy Bokuuuuto! Oh! And Akaashiiii!" Kuroo slurred out.

"Aw man, you already got drunk, without me!" Bokuto said, sadly.

"Hey Bokuto, I'm going in." Akaashi said.

"Okay have fun!" Bokuto yelled back.

"Oh... he will." Kuroo mumbled out.

And with that Akaashi stepped into the house, the music flooded his ears. Looking around at all the people he realized.

_How the hell is he going to find Kenma._


	6. Chapter 6

Looking around at all the people he realized.

How the hell is going to find Kenma.

________________________________

Akaashi felt like he couldn't breathe with all the people around him. He tried going in every room to find Kenma, he even walked in on a couple having sex. Ew.

Akaashi took his phone out of his pocket to call Kenma, only to see a text from him.

Kenma: Hey, sorry I couldn't make it. I came down with a fever. Hope you have fun! :)

Akaashi: It's fine, just gonna suck without you here. :(

Kenma: Whatever, go have fun!

Akaashi: I'm coming over to your house when I get out of here.

Kenma: See you then. :)

Akaashi put his phone back in his pocket. 'Well this is going to be lame' he thought.

"AGAASHIII"

Akaashi turned around to where the person who called his name was.

"Bokuto? Drunk already." Akaashi asked.

"Akaashi, I just want you to know how pretty you are." Bokuto said smiling.

Akaashi blushed, but snapped out of it real quick. Bokuto was drunk so there was no way he could mean that. "Thank you Bokuto, I think we should get you home."

"Noooo, I want to stayyyy!" Bokuto protested.

"Uh, we can take him home for you."

Akaashi turned around to face two boys around his age.

"I'm Sugawara but my friends call me Suga." he said smiling.

"And I'm Daichi, we were about to head off so we can take him for you if you wanna stay." Daichi said.

Akaashi thought about it, he needed to get back home as well and Bokuto was his ride.

"Yea, you can take him, I'll take you home Akaashi."

Akaashi turned around to face Kuroo. "Oh okay then. Thank you!" Akaashi said.

Sugawara and Daichi dragged Bokuto away, while he protested about wanting to stay longer.

"So Akaashi, should we head out then?" Kuroo asked.

"Yeah, that would be great." Akaashi said.

"Alright let's go." Kurro said, placing a hand on Akaashi's lower back and leading them out.

They both got in the car and started their way home when Akaashi realized this wasn't the way to his house.

"Uh Kuroo?" Akaashi said. "This isn't the way toward my house."

"I know." Kuroo said, smirking.

"Then turn the car around." Akaashi demanded.

"No can do, sorry" Kuroo said laughing. He was laughing!?! Akaashi was mad at this point.

"Kuroo pull the car over!"

No answer.

"Kuroo pull the car over! Now!" Akaashi was pissed, if he was a cartoon character there would be smoke coming out of his ears.

"Chill Akaashi, here have some water, I want to take you somewhere." Kuroo said, handing Akaashi a water bottle.

Akaashi took the water bottle and chugged the whole thing.

What Akaashi didn't notice was....

_The hazel eyes staring at him._

_The smirk on his face that never seemed to go away._

_The moon reflecting off the metal of the knife that was in his pocket._

Oh Akaashi didn't even know how screwed he was.


	7. Chapter 7

⚠️⚠️

They had been driving for another five minutes before they pulled up to a house about 10 minutes from there school.

"What's this?" Akaashi asked. A small headache beginning to form.

"My parent's hired some people to build a house here. I would come here everyday after school, and at one point I even lived here. I just thought we could hangout for a bit." Kuroo said smiling.

"I don't know Kuroo, I-" Akaashi was interrupted.

"I said we're hanging out tonight." Kuroo said his voice deeper, therefore scarier.

"I- uh, okay?" Akaashi didn't know what he was supposed to do.

"Alright stay here for a second." Kuroo said and got out of the car. He walked over to Akaashi's car door, he opened and grabbed Akaashi's wrist.

"Ow!" Akaash cried out, he didn't realize how much his wrist hurt from his tumble down the stairs until now.

"Oh how much fun this is gonna be." Kuroo said chuckling. He grabbed Akaashi and put him over his shoulder. Akaashi's headache getting worse.

"Put me down! Kuroo!" Akaashi tried kicking and punching his back, but Kuroo wouldn't let him go.

Kuroo led them inside the house and then took them to what seemed like a bedroom. Akaashi still kicking and punching.

"Stop making such a fuss will ya?" Kuroo raised his voice, throwing Akaashi on the bed.

Akaashi's headache was terrible; he couldn't move without it throbbing. Akaashi suddenly felt drowsy, he was about the fall asleep when a cold substance hit his face,

"Oh no you don't! I want you to be awake for this." Water. Kuroo had thrown water at him!

Kuroo started advancing toward Akaashi. Akaashi not being able to see straight didn't know what was happening.

Kuroo was right in front of Akaashi, he leaned down and whispered.

"Were gonna have a lot of fun tonight." He said, biting Akaashi's ear. He started taking off Akaashi's belt.

"No stop it." Akaashi whispered, not being able to speak.

"Aw little birdy can't even talk, that's just too bad isn't it." Kuroo said, squeezing Akaashi's injured wrist. Hard. Akaashi's mouth opened to scream, but no sound came out. Kuroo took this opportunity to kiss Akaashi.

"No!" Akaashi tried to say, only to come out mumbled because of the lips on his.

Kuroo stopped kissing Akaashi and took off his shirt and pants, but left on his boxers. He then started stripping Akaashi, he took everything off.

"Ah, what's this?" Kuroo said, squeezing Akaashi's hip, the one he hurt earlier when he fell. Akaashi didn't bother to move but a small tear ran down his cheek.

"Crying now, are we?" Kuroo laughed. He continued to squeeze the large bruise on Akaashi's hip.

Kuroo continued on with this torture, squeezing Akaashi's wrist, hip and making new bruise's all of over his body.

"Kuroo! Stop it!" Akaashi yelled, kicking Kuroo where the sun don't shine.

Kuroo fell on his side holding his dick. Akaashi took this opportunity to try to run away.

"YOU BITCH!" Kuroo recovered quickly, getting up and chasing after Akaashi.

Akaash ran through the house trying to find an exit, his head hurt, he was only in his boxers.

"Akaashi I swear if you don't get over here right now." Kuroo said. He had planned to do so many wonderful things to Akaashi that night.

_"You can't run forever."_


	8. Chapter 8

_"You can't run forever."_

Akaashi had tried opening multiple doors trying to find one that would lead outside. All the doors had been locked, 'shit' he thought.

"Akaashi~" Kuroo cooed. "Where are you?"

Akaashi looked at the window at the end of the hallway. This could be his only way out, but what if he broke something. Kuroo could come around the house and grab him. 'I guess there really isn't a way out of this.'

"Akaashi~ there's no way out. I've locked all the doors. You're stuck here, so come out and we can have some fun." Kuroo said, his tone getting sharper and angrier.

"No, no, no, no, no, no" Akaashi mumbled. He had decided that his only way out would be the window.

As Akaashi fiddled with the lock on the door, Kuroo finally found him at the end of the hallway.

Walking as quietly as he could, he came up behind Akaashi.

"Boo!" He whispered.

Akaashi's face paled. 'Shit I'm gonna get raped.'

"Let's have some fun pretty bird."

___________________________________

Akaashi woke up in the middle of an abandoned road, hips sore, his lower back hurt so much he couldn't walk. He couldn't remember what happened.

It all came flooding back to him, the hands on his hips, the kisses on his neck, the ropes on his wrists, the low groaning in his ear, he remembered it all. Akaashi was disgusted with himself, he could still feel his hands on his body. His breathing picked up, he was clenching his hair like his life depended on it.

He heard a car pull up and someone was talking to him but everything sounded distorted, his eyesight was blurry. He was passing out.

Maybe this was good, _yeah this was good._


	9. Chapter 9

Akaashi woke up to a steady beeping.

_Beeping? Where's that coming from?_

Akaashi turned his head towards the beeping.

_A heart monitor._

He heard a door open and then a startled gasp.

"Keiji."

Akaashi smiled. "M-Mom."

"Keiji! Thank goodness you're okay. What happened?" His mom frantically mumbled out.

"What happened? What-" He was cut off as everything came back to him

_"Let's have some fun pretty bird."_

No.

_"You f-feel so good." He groaned in his ear._

No.

_"Kaashi~" Kuroo tightened the rope. "Let me hear you."_

"NO!"

"Keiji what's wrong?" His mom asked.

The doctor walked in. "Ms. Akaashi? Was it? I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the room."

"O-Okay." His mom started walking toward the door. "I'll be back hm?"

She was gone.

"Akaashi." The doctor said.

"What" Akaashi rasped out.

"What really happened?"

"I was-"

_"Don't tell anyone. Or Bokuto's next."_

_"It's not like anyone's gonna believe you anyway." Kuroo chuckled. "You're all mine._ "

"Akaashi? You were what?" The doctor persisted.

No, he couldn't tell him. Kuroo would find out. He would find out. It's not like the doctor would believe him, besides this stuff isn't supposed to happen to boys, boys are supposed to be the strong ones, boys are-

_"You are so pathetic."_

He wasn't supposed to be pathetic, he was supposed to get through high school, go to college, get a job, get a lover, start a family.

He started hyperventilating.

"Akaashi?" The doctor asked.

_He was **raped.**_

"Akaashi! I'm going to need you to take deep breaths for me okay? Deep breaths that's it." The doctor who's name he had yet to discover, calmed down. He placed a hand on Akaashi's shoulder and Akaashi jumped and flinched away.

"Well it's obvious you don't wanna talk about it, so how about I guess and you can nod or shake your head. Okay?"

Akaashi nodded.

"Were you hurt?"

Akaashi nodded.

"By someone else?"

He nodded.

"Did they do anything else?"

Nodded.

"Was it something you didn't want?"

Akaashi internally flinched. "I don't  
want to talk about this anymore."

"Akaashi-" The doctor was cut off.

"I just want to rest." He looked away.

"Fine, we'll talk about this later though." The doctor said and walked out.

_"I love seeing you like this, so....... broken."_

Akaashi fell into a never ending nightmare of the memories of him and Kuroo.


	10. Chapter 10

_"Lets have some fun pretty bird."_

_Kuroo picked Akaashi up and threw him over his shoulder. "Wow! You're heavy, you could stand to lose a few pounds ya know." Kuroo smirked._

_"Fuck you." Akaashi said through gritted teeth._

_"No, I'm serious."_

_Akaashi rolled his eyes. "Go to hell."_

_"Shut up Akaashi."_

_"I'll shut up when you let me go."_

_"I'll let you go when you lose a few pounds. I don't think you can do that in less than a day, right?"_

_Akaashi stayed quiet._

_"You've always been quite chubby, lose weight Akaashi." Kuroo smirked._

Akaashi woke up with a gasp.

_The audacity-_

"Akaashi!"

"B-Bokuto! What are you doing here?" Akaashi stuttered.

"You're alive!" Bokuto exclaimed.

"Yeah, I guess I am." Akaashi chuckled.

"What even happened to you anyway-" Bokuto was cut off.

"Akaashi."

"K-Kuroo." Akaashi froze.

"Glad to see you're doing alright." Kuroo smiled.

Of course he's fine! Akaashi is amazing!" Bokuto yelled.

Akaashi flinched.

_"Your amazing Kaashi~ I'm surprised you haven't passed out yet."_

_Kuroo chuckled and slapped Akaashi's cheek._

_"Amazing~"_

"Wait! Akaashi, you never answered my question!" Bokuto pointed his finger accusingly at Akaashi.

"What did you ask him Bo?"

"What happened to him? Why are you in the hospital?"

"Yeah Akaashi why are you in the hospital?"

"I- um well, I couldn't say." Akaashi looked away from them. "I don't know."

"LET ME IN!"

They all turned toward the door.

"I'm sorry but no more than two people at a time-" A nurse tried to reason.

"Bullshit! He's my best friend, let me see him!"

Wait. Akaashi knew that voice. "Kenma..."

"I'm sorry but I can't let you in-" the nurse put her hands on Kenma's shoulders.

"NO-" Kenma started thrashing and trying to get out of the nurse's hold to no avail.

"Is that Kenma?" Bokuto asked once he got a better look.

Kenma met Akaashi's eyes. "Akaashi! Tell her to let me in!"

"It sure is, it sure is Kenma."


	11. Chapter 11

Kenma twisted out of the nurses hold and basically jumped on Akaashi.

“I was worried.” was all he had to say for himself.

It seemed that kenma forgot or didn’t notice that Kuroo was there, he wasn’t getting shy or blushing. At all.

“Kenma, i-i can’t breathe.” Akaashi rasped out. Kenma may look small (or maybe Akaashi’s just weak) but he isn’t to be taken lightly.

“Oh, sorry.” Kenma got off and looked around the room for a chair. “K-Kuroo!”

“Kenma, I was really sad you couldn’t make it to the party.” Kuroo smiled. “You’ll have to come to the next one!”

Kenma blushed. “O-Of course!”

“Oh- uh, Akaashi?” Kenma asked.

Akaashi humed.

“Why are you in the hospital anyway?”

“Oh um…”

Why was he in the hospital? He should be in a mental hospital recovering from being raped. Why was able to act like nothing happened, perhaps reality hasn’t set in yet. Maybe he’s still in shock. Maybe- does he actually like Kuroo! Was he unconsciously okay with it, because he likes- no no no he likes Bokuto.

“Y’know after Suga and Daichi took Bokuto home, you got pretty drunk yourself Akaashi.” Kuroo smirked. “Didn’t you?”

‘I- um-” Akaashi squeezed his eyes shut. “I did.” he whispered.

“Yeah, so he must not remember what happened!” Bokuto pointed out, not even knowing he was helping Kuroo.

“Exactly.”

Akaashi mumbled out.

Kuroo’s smirk never left his face.

And Kenma felt sick to his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short i'm gonna try writing another one.


	12. Chapter 12

“You don’t remember what happened?”

The doctor said walking in.

“No I don't remember.” Akaashi looked up.

“I’m going to have to ask all of you to leave now.” the doctor said and swooshed her hand toward the door.

“Bye Akaashi, me and Kuroo are gonna head out now.” Bokuto waved.

“Bye.” Akaashi weakly smiled.

“I guess I’ll leave too.” Kenma started walking away with them.

“Wait! Kenma you just got here-” Kenma cut him off.

“I’m not feeling well. I’ll see you later Akaashi.” Kenma hurried out the door.

“Bye then, I guess.” Akaashi frowned.

“Bye Kaashi~” Kuroo laughed. “See you soon!”

Akaashi felt sick. Soon? He didn’t want to see Kuroo ever again.

After everyone left the doctor sat in the chair next to Akaashi’s hospital bed.

“You okay?” The doctor put her hand against his forehead.

Akaashi nodded.

“What about the conversation we had earlier?” She asked.

Akaashi panicked, he’ll have to play dumb.

“What conversation?” He cocked his head.

The doctor rubbed her temples. “If you wanna play dumb that’s fine. But I don't want to see you here again, okay?”

“Fine.” Akaashi turned away.

“Okay you're good to be discharged tomorrow.” She stood up and started walking away. Then stopped and turned back around with a piece of paper in her hand.

Akaashi looked at her questioningly.

“If you need anything call me, here’s my card.” She turned around again. “A nurse will be in later to give you an exam so this, I hope, will be the last we see of each other. Goodbye Akaashi.”

“Goodbye- uh.” He looked down at her card and froze.

He might actually throw up.

“Doctor _Kuroo._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao I feel like that might not make sense. I'm trying to keep the calling each other by their family names and first names are for people who are close or have given permission. right? i'm not 100% familiar with it and I watch dub so i'm not sure who calls who with like the honorifics. so forgive me if it's confusing haha.


	13. Chapter 13

Akaashi was discharged on November 14th he had later found out he had been in a coma. 

Akaashi’s mom came and got him from the hospital, after filling out all the required paperwork he was finally allowed to go home. 

Home sweet home. 

A place where he’s safe. 

A place where his room is.

A room where people can’t find him.

_ A room where Kuroo can’t find him, can't get to him _

After Akaashi got home he went straight to his room. 

That’s where he spent the rest of his day.

____________

Akaashi was sitting on his bed well prepared to face the nightmares of Kuroo when Kenma came bursting through his door. 

Akaashi flinched “K-Kenma! What are you-“ 

“Why were you actually in the hospital Akaashi!?” Kenma had a tight grip on his hair. 

“What do you mean-“ 

“YOU KNOW what I mean Akaashi. So tell me did you Kuroo have a little too much fun, did he fuck you too hard, did you roofie him and he fought back-“ 

“Where the hell is this coming from Kenma!” 

“Akaashi! You know I like him but you still slept with him!” Kenma was crying. 

“How would you even know that! Were you in on it? Did you help him-“ 

“How could I help him when- JUST SHUT UP AKAASHI! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. But I guess not all friendships last forever.” Kenma turned around and walked toward the door. 

“Kenma what are you saying.” A single tear drop fell out of Akaashi’s eye. 

“Goodbye Akaashi.” Kenma opened the door. 

“Kenma you are seriously not ending our friendship over a boy! Kenma please don’t go!” Akaashi got up and dropped to his knees behind where Kenma stood. 

Kenma continued forward, shutting Akaashi’s door behind him. 

Leaving whatever was left of their friendship behind. 

And taking whatever was left of Akaashi’s sanity with him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter sorry, school started so I haven't had a lot of time.

Kuroo didn’t care for other people.

He didn’t care who he hurt.

He didn’t care who got bullied.

But Akaashi…

Akaashi was interesting.

Kuroo felt attracted to him in a way, he wanted…

He wanted to see him scream, he wanted to see him hurt.

So what better way was there, forcing himself on Akaashi was something that Kuroo would never regret. Well maybe he would, especially if his mom found out seeing as she was the doctor who treated Akaashi. But of course he had to think about the consequences to his actions, so threatening Akaashi by doing the same to Bokuto was the best move he’s ever made.

Of course he would never hurt Bokuto, that’s his best friend.

His thoughts were interrupted when his mom knocked on his door.

“What!” Kuroo shouted.

“This Akaashi kid, what do you know about him?”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um hi sorry for the super late update- this is kinda just a recap of what’s happened so far so we can prepare for what’s to happen😈 i’d still read this chapter tho-

5 hours and 38 minutes have passed since Kenma left and Akaashi still couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that Kenma didn’t want him in his life. 

Still couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that their friendship had ended over a boy. 

Over Kuroo, the man who raped him.

Akaashi didn’t wanna believe that was the case. Kenma has been his best friend all through high school. 

School. 

He’ll have to go back eventually.

He’ll have to see Kuroo eventually.

Akaashi flinched, thinking back on everything that’s happened since he first saw those hazel eyes staring at him. 

Meeting Kuroo, 

_ "Of course I do, Bokuto never shuts up about you.." Kuroo started walking toward Akaashi. "Besides" Kuroo leaned down next to Akaashi's ear "Who wouldn't know the name of a pretty little bird like yourself." _

Walking Kuroo home,

_ "Thanks for walking me home. Goodnight pretty bird." _

Kuroo checking on him after Tsukishima and Kageyama almost beat him up in the hallway,

_ "You okay pretty bird?" Kuroo said gently, grabbing Akaashi's chin and bringing him closer. "I wouldn't want you getting hurt. What a shame it would be if that pretty little face of yours was ruined, hm?"  _

Kuroo offering to take him home the night of the party,

_ “Yea, you can take him, I’ll take you home Akaashi.”  _

_ Akaashi turned around to face Kuroo. “Oh okay then, thank you!” Akaashi said. _

_ “So Akaashi should we head out then?” Kuroo asked. _

_ “Yeah, that would be great.” Akaashi said.  _

_ “Alright let’s go.” Kuroo said, placing a hand on Akaashi’s lower back and leading them out.  _

All these events led to him being raped, there’s something he’s missing… 

_** Why? ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter um don’t expect it to be up super soon... school lmfao


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy?!?!?

_"This Akaashi kid, what do you know about him?"_

Kuroo froze.

Why would his mom be asking about Akaashi? Kuroo isn't stupid, he figured his mom would ask him about Akaashi eventually, but not this soon!

"Akaashi is my classmate."

"I know that but, what is he to you?" Kuroo's mom asked.

"A classmate.. um Bokuto's crush?"

"Bokuto likes Akaashi?" Kuroo's mom said, shock written all over her face.

"Yeah he does! Isn't it great?" Kuroo faked a smile.

No it wasn't great. Akaashi belonged to Kuroo. His to be with, his to have by his side, his to hear _scream._ **His.**

"Yeah that's great." Kuroo's mom smiled. "That's all i needed, thank you." She then stood up and walked out of the room.

Once the door was shut and Kuroo was sure his mom had walked away, he started laughing. Quietly at first but as time went on it turned into an uproar.

"I never knew it would be this easy!" Kuroo managed out through his laughter.

All the while Kuroo's mom sat at the table comprehending the news she had just received. She knew Akaashi was raped, it was obvious. But if Akaashi won't say anything, there's nothing she can do about it. But if she could just find out who... and she thinks she just did.

"You son of a bitch." Kuroo's mom had her laptop open, and in the search bar she had typed

_Bokuto Koutarou._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! sorry i know this chapter seems really rushed but i didn’t know how to make it more slow paced but i hope you’ll bare with me... i guess we’re a little more then halfway through now!! i’m only planning on 30 chapters at most.... anyways hopefully i’ll have another update soon!!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cant even make any excuses im so lazy- anyways i forgot if i made this more of an american style school or a japanese style school- so forgive me if it doesn’t match up with anything i’ve written before.

_“You son of a bitch.” Kuroo’s mom had her laptop open, and in the search bar she had,_

_Bokuto Koutarou._

Kuroo’s mother searched wherever she could to find information on Bokuto, specifically why he did that to Akaashi.

She took a look at her notes to see if she had enough information.

_Bokuto Koutarou_

  * _On the football team_


  * Star student


  * Senior 



The internet isn’t very helpful, she needs to actually go look around. 

_______________

“Keiji!”

A voice interrupted Akaashi’s thoughts.

“Keiji? Dinners ready!” His mom shouted.

_“You’ve always been quite chubby, lose weight Akaashi.”_

Akaashi gasped. Why should he care about what Kuroo thinks?

“I-I’m not hungry!” He shouted back.

“I’ll leave a plate for you in the fridge then!”

“Ok!” Akaashi said around a sob.

Once he was sure his mom wasn’t listening, he broke down. Why did this have to happen to him, of all people, why him. It didn’t make any sense, why was this affecting him so much, he’s never cared for what other people thought of him, so why now?

A loud ringing interrupted his thoughts, again. He looked around for the source of the noise, only to see his phone ringing.

_Bokuto._

He rubbed the tears away from his eyes and answered.

“Hello.”

“AKAASHI!" Bokuto shouted.

Akaashis flinched away from the loud noise. ‘Bokuto has always been a loud person.’

“Bokuto, what can i do for you?”

“Akaashi….. Are you okay?” Bokuto sounded sad.

“Of course I am, why’d you ask?” Akaashi sniffled, still stuffed up from crying.

“You sound sick! Do you need medicine? I’ll bring some over right now, tell your mom I'm coming over!” Bokuto hung up before Akaashi could tell him he wasn’t ill.

“I guess I’ll be seeing Bokuto soon.” Akaashi mumbled out.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way I just got super motivated to try to finish this story tonight made me really happy.

Akaashi’s mother frowned when she realized Akaashi probably wasn’t going to go eat.

_“What happened to him.”_

Her thoughts were interrupted by a banging on the door, she straightened herself up before answering it.

She opened the door to

“Bokuto?”

“Ms. Akaashi! I heard Akaashi wasn’t feeling well! So I brought him medicine and uhhh.” He dug around in the bag he held. “Snacks!” He held out a bag of chips.

Akaashi's mother opened the door wider and stepped out the way “Come on in.” She waved her hand. “down the hallway, last door.”

“Thank you!”

Bokuto followed her instructions, he stepped in and walked down the hallway to the last door.

He took a deep breath, his stomach churning. ‘Why am I nervous, deep breaths Bokuto, it’s just Akaashi.’ Bokuto calmed his thoughts and prepared to knock when his head decided to hit him with one last surprise. ‘What if you like him.’ Bokuto’s hand froze, seconds away from touching the door. “W-What if-”

“Bokuto, aren’t you going in?” Akaashi's mother stood at the end of the hallway.

“Y-Yes!” Bokuto flushed. “I was about to knock.” He looked down and started shifting uncomfortably on his feet.

“Bokuto, dear, what's wrong?” Akaashi’s mother took a step down the hall.

“I’m nervous, I don’t know why! I see Akaashi all the time at school! I’m just so confused-”

Bokuto was cut off by the sound of a door opening.

“What’s going on?” Akaashi rubbed the sleep away from his eyes.

“B-Bokuto!?”

“AKAASHI!” Bokuto tackled Akaashi with a bear hug. “I brought you medicine and snacks!”

“Bokuto! Get off me!” Akaashi was desperately pushing and squirming. His mind overflowed with memories of Kuroo.

Bokuto seeing the pure look of fear on Akaashi's face stood up.”I’m sorry-”

Akaashi, still in his haze, pushed Bokuto as hard as he could and slammed his door behind him.

“W-What just happened?” Bokuto looked over to Ms. Akaashi only to see a look of fear on her face.

_‘She doesn’t know either?’_


	19. Chapter 19

Akaashi found himself waking up to voices, he looked around confused. 

‘Oh right, Bokuto is coming over.’ 

He got up to leave his room when he overheard the conversation happening outside his room.

“Bokuto, dear, what's wrong?” Akaashi heard his mother say. ‘She’s always been caring like that’ 

“I’m nervous, I don’t know why!” Akaashi froze. ‘Bokuto nervous, does he? No Akaashi! Stupid!’ Akaashi hit his head a few times and continued to listen. “I see Akaashi all the time at school! I’m just so confused-” Akaashi decided now was a good time to make an appearance, he opened his door feigning sleep. 

Akaashi rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?” 

He heard someone yell his name and the next thing he knew, he was on the floor with a huge weight on his chest. 

His mind immediately filled with flashbacks from that night, Kuroo on top of him, Kuroo’s arms holding him still. Everything was just Kuroo. 

He could faintly hear Bokuto say something along with a rustle of a plastic bag, but his mind was telling him to ‘ _ get out of here’ _

“Bokuto get off of me!” He pushed and shoved until the weight was no longer on his chest.” 

Before his mind could register anything, he pushed the large figure as hard as he could and ran in his room, once the door was shut and locked, he sunk to the floor, taking deep breaths. 

‘That wasn’t Kuroo, that wasn’t Kuroo, that wasn’t Kuroo.’ He repeated the phrase over and over in his head until he was sure Kuroo wasn’t there. 

He slowly walked over and cracked the door, he found a teary eyed Bokuto and his mother with a look of fear on her face, that he only recalled seeing at the hospital.

“I’m sorry..” He mumbled out. 

Bokuto’s head turned towards him and smiled softly. “It’s okay.” Bokuto paused. “Why don’t we go talk, hm?” 

“Yeah, lets talk” Akaashi opened his door, Bokuto settled on his bed, Akaashi sat next to him.

And so, Akaashi got ready to tell Bokuto about Kuroo.

**Finally.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not writing out the whole story (please reference this entire fic for the story)

Akaashi didn’t look at Bokuto once the whole time he was telling Bokuto what happened to him. 

He had to admit, it was hard. Having to sort through all the memories of him and Kuroo really took a toll on him, he was exhausted. 

“And after all of that here we are.” Akaashi finished telling Bokuto everything. He looked up to see Bokuto slouched over, elbows resting on his knees, sobbing so hard his whole body shook.

“Bokuto!” Akaashi jumped up and put his arm around Bokuto. 

“Akaashi.” Bokuto’s voice cracked. “You could’ve told me, I would have helped you, no, I am going to help you.” Bokuto clenched his fist. “I can’t believe he would do that.” He broke down in sobs again. 

Bokuto went in to hug Akaashi before he froze, remembering what happened earlier. “Can I? Am I allowed to-” Akaashi cut him off by pulling Bokuto into a hug. 

“Of course you can, I trust you and feel safe with you.” Akaashi smiled into Bokuto’s shoulder. Being around Bokuto makes him feel alive again. 

Bokuto smiled. “I’m so happy you feel safe with me Akaashi, that's all I want, is for you to be comfortable.” 

Akaashi and Bokuto stayed wrapped up together for a while before Bokuto stood up. “I should leave, it's getting late.”

Akaashi groaned. “Stay, sleepover.” 

Bokuto almost said yes but the determination to keep Akaashi safe washed over him. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” 

“Call me tomorrow.” Akaashi frowned. “Just sleepover.” 

“As much as I wanna cuddle, I can’t.” Bokuto took a risk, he pecked Akaashi’s cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

Bokuto turned around and walked out of Akaashi’s house, after saying bye to Ms. Akaashi first. Bokuto couldn’t stay, he had a mission. 

_ Beat the shit out of Kuroo. _


	21. Chapter 21

Once Bokuto was a safe distance he dialed the number he _unfortunately_ knew oh so well.

Bokuto held the phone against his ear, waiting for Kuroo to pick up.

“YO! Bokuto, dude! What’s up?” Oh Bokuto could practically hear the smirk on Kuroo’s face.

“Dude!” Bokuto cringed. “You wanna hangout? I’m so bored.”

“Yeah, dude of course!” Meet at the usual spot?”

_The football field, of course._

“Yeah bro! I’m heading over there right now!”

“See you then!” Kuroo hung up.

Bokuto grinded his teeth, something he did when he was stressed. A smile fell on his face though, he couldn’t wait to fuck Kuroo up.

________

Kuroo wasn’t an idiot, he could tell something was up with Bokuto.

Kuroo packed his bag. ‘Just in case.’ Kuroo slid a knife into his bag.

Kuroo sighed. ‘just in case.’

____________

“Dude!” Kuroo yelled when he saw Bokuto.

Bokuto almost pounced on him. “Kuroo!”

Kuroo went in for a hug when Bokuto stepped away. “We need to talk.”

Kuroo reached back towards his backpack. ‘Just in case, just in case, just in case.’ He repeated the phrase over and over.

“Sure dude! What’s up?”

“It’s about… Akaashi.”

Kuroo froze ‘That fucker told him, he told Bokuto even after I threatened him!’

Kuroo had the knife in his hand but before he could pull it out of his bag, Bokuto continued. “I like him, bro, a lot, I get butterflies whenever I’m around him.”

Kuroo smilied. This was so, so good for Bokuto. But he chose the wrong person. Akaashi was **his.**

Before he could process it, A sharp pain ran through his nose, then his eye, then his chin. Kuroo opened his one good eye, to see Bokuto crawling on top of him, to keep punching.

Bokuto kicked and punched until Kuroo stopped moving. Then he stood up and started walking away. A look of relief washed over his face ‘I did it.’

Through all of this he was unaware of the figure moving behind him, getting closer and closer.

He spun around just in time for Kuroo to tackle him to the ground, hands around Bokuto’s neck, squeezing for dear life.

Bokuto hit and kicked Kuroo but his attempts were useless. “That’s right little Bo, just give up.”

Bokuto’s vision faded to black.

He was **out.**

___________

Kuroo checked Bokuto’s pulse. ‘Still alive, good.’ Kuroo had no intention of killing Bokuto, even if Bokuto hated him now, He still meant a lot to him.

He dragged Bokuto over to his car and just started driving, unconsciously driving towards the place where he took Akaashi.

Kuroo smirked. “This is going to be interesting.”


End file.
